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200 Best Dad Jokes (Free Printables!)
Get ready to laugh (and groan) with this collection of hilarious dad jokes that you can print at home.
Whether you’re celebrating Father’s Day or just in need of a good laugh, these classic dad jokes are perfect for bringing smiles any day of the year!
From pun-filled one-liners to goofy jokes about food, weather, sports, animals, careers, and more, this collection has 200 different ways to crack everyone up. They’re corny, they’re clever, and best of all—they’re kid-friendly, making them great for sharing with the whole family.
Classic Dad Jokes
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
What do you call a guy without kids who tells dad jokes?
A faux pas.
What country is growing the fastest?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
Which state has the most streets?
Rhode Island.
What do you call a factory that makes products that are just okay?
A satis-factory.
Why did the candle quit its job?
It was totally burned out.
Why was the queen a great ruler?
She was only 12 inches tall.
What’s the easiest building to lift?
A lighthouse.
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
What did the zero say to the eight?
That belt looks good on you.
Why are sweaters so supportive of each other?
They’re pretty close knit.
What’s the best way to make a bandstand?
Take away all the chairs.
Why did the kids stock up on yeast?
They wanted to make some dough.
Where do pirates buy hooks?
The second hand store.
Why did the nose feel sad?
It was always getting picked on.
What did one DNA molecule say to the other?
Those genes look great on you.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
What’s a robot’s favorite snack?
Computer chips.
Why do computers overheat?
Because sometimes they need to vent.
What do baby computers call their fathers?
Data.
Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its website.
Where do rainbow go when they get arrested?
Prism.
What happens when you take a watch on a plane?
Time flies!
How do celebrities keep cool?
They have many fans.
What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
What did one wall say to the other?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
Where do crayons go on vacation?
Color-ado.
Did you hear the joke about déjà vu?
Did you hear the joke about déjà vu?
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
What sits on the bottom of the ocean and has anxiety?
A nervous wreck.
What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
Light blue.
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
What did one hat say to the other?
Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Play bored games.
How do you make 7 even?
Take away the s.
How did the piano get locked out of its car?
It lost its keys.
One-Liner Dad Jokes
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
People say they pick their nose, but I was born with mine.
I heard it was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty, but apparently he had a great fall.
I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
I used to have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
Be careful in the grass–it’s full of blades!
I saw two row boats get into an argument the other day. It was quite an oar-deal.
I have a joke about a pencil with two erasers, but it’s kinda pointless.
I used to always want to be a baker, but turns out I was a little too kneady and couldn’t make enough dough.
I got into an argument with a skunk the other day. It really caused a stink.
I met a guy giving away dead batteries. They were free of charge.
Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
I asked a librarian to recommend an author of dinosaur books. She said “Try Sarah Topps.”
Can you believe how much it costs to swim with sharks? I heard it’s an arm and a leg.
I had to get a neck brace last year and I haven’t looked back since.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
I saw a cheese factory explode once–da-brie was everywhere.
I’m so good at sleeping, I could do it with my eyes closed!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I have a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
I had a bad sausage at dinner last night. It was the wurst.
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
I don’t often tell dad jokes, but when I do, he always laughs.
I’m always getting sick during the week–it must be my weekend immune system.
My dad told me a joke about boxing but I missed the punch line.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.
I was going to tell a sodium joke, then I thought, “Na.”
I finally realized who keeps stealing from me when I take a bath. It was a robber duckie.
I met a dog that does magic tricks. It was a labracadabradoodle.
I had to send my favorite picture to jail. Turns out it was framed.
Dad Jokes About Animals
What do horses say when they fall down?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
How much money does a skunk have?
Just one scent.
What do you call birds that stick together?
Velcrows
Where do birds like to go on vacation?
Someplace cheep.
What kind of bird works on a construction site?
A crane.
What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
It got toad.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
How does a buffalo say goodbye to his son?
Bison.
What’s the best smelling insect?
A deodor-ant.
What kind of bug can tell time?
A clock-roach.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What do you call an anxious fly?
A jitterbug.
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Because they have their own set of scales.
Why couldn’t the fish get its grades up?
Because he was always below sea level.
What fish can give you an appendectomy?
A sturgeon.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
Why do dragons always stay up so late?
Because they like to fight knights.
What do you call it when a cow grows facial hair?
A moo-stache.
What do cows read the most?
Cattle-logs.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
Why are cows’ feet called hooves?
Because they lactose!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What do you say to a cow blocking your way?
“Moooo-ve!”
Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
To be in the moo-vies.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
How do ducks buy lipstick?
They put it on their bill.
Why can’t you trust doctors who work on ducks?
Because they’re all quacks.
What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
Why did the turkey join a band?
To get better use of its drumsticks.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
What do you call a singing bear?
A beartitone.
Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
What type of bear is toothless?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little hoarse.
What did the leopard say after dinner?
That hit the spot.
What animal is the worst at hide-and-seek?
A leopard–he’s always spotted.
Why did the dog float in the water?
He was a good buoy.
What should you do if your puppy gets sick?
Take it to the dog-tor.
What do you call a cold puppy?
A chili dog.
What did the spider study at college?
Web design.
What kind of felines enjoy bowling?
Alley cats.
Where did the cat go after losing its tail?
The retail store.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
What keys unlock a banana?
Mon-keys
How do mice floss their teeth?
With string cheese.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
Why are elephants wrinkly?
Because you can’t iron them.
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks.
What kind of cars do sheep drive?
Lamborghinis.
Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baaaa-hamas.
What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill?
A lambslide.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop.
What do pigs use to get cleaned up?
Hogwash.
Why can’t you play basketball with pigs?
They’re ball hogs.
How can you tell if a pig is hot?
It’s bacon.
How did hummingbirds get their name?
Because they don’t know the words to any songs!
What animal is dishonest?
A lion.
Where do baby cats swim?
The kitty pool.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
How did the cats finally end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
How do you identify a bald eagle?
Its feathers are always combed over to one side.
What does a bee use to brush its hair?
A honeycomb!
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe.
Dad Jokes About Sports & Activities
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one.
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
How do you get a good price on a sled?
You have toboggan.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
Where do boats go when they’re sick?
To the boat doc.
Dad Jokes About Food
What kind of music do tortillas like?
Wrap
How do you make an egg roll?
Just push it.
What kind of car do eggs drive?
Yolkswagens.
What happens when ice cream gets angry?
It has a meltdown.
How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
What did the hamburger name its baby?
Patty.
What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
Why did the orange stop halfway across the road?
It ran out of juice.
How do you keep bagels from running away?
Just put lox on it.
What type of cheese is always lonely?
Provolone.
What do you call a chicken that’s looking at some lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad!
How do you make a glass of water bouncy?
Fill it with spring water.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
Impasta
What’s small, red, and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spec-tater.
What do you call an angry piece of broccoli?
A steamed veggie.
Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero.
Why don’t bananas ever feel lonely?
Because they tend to hang out in bunches.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What do you call shoes that are made from bananas?
Slippers.
What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
Reality!
What do nuts say to each other when playing tag?
Imma cashew!
Dad Jokes About the Weather & Great Outdoor
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing. It just waved.
What did the beach say when the tide came in?
Long time no sea.
How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?
By its bark.
How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Why is it good to meditate during a storm?
It can be very en-lightning.
What did the earthquake say when it was done?
Sorry, my fault!
Why is it bad to iron a four leaf clover?
Because you should never press your luck.
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
What trees can fit inside your hand?
Palm trees.
What game are tornadoes the best at?
Twister.
What did one tornado say to the other?
I’ve got my eye on you.
Why is it pointless to fight with clouds?
They always storm out.
What member of the orchestra is most likely to get struck by lightning?
The conductor.
What causes it to rain money?
When there’s a change in the weather.
What type of weather is the hardest to employ?
Lightning–it’s always on strike!
Dad Jokes About Work & Jobs
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
What number do ballerinas love?
Two-two
What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher
Why didn’t the chef season his entree?
He ran out of thyme.
Why did the king go to the dentist?
He needed to get a crown.
What did the dentist get to celebrate her anniversary at work?
A little plaque.
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Times Square.
What happens when doctors get frustrated?
They lose their patients.
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
What does a painter do when he gets cold?
Puts on another coat.
Why did the employee go work in stilts?
She wanted a raise.
Did you hear about the archaeologist who was fired?
His career is in ruins.
How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying?
Just rocket.
How do astronauts organize a trip?
They planet.
Why don’t astronomers like the constellation Orion’s Belt?
They think it’s a big waist of space.
Why’d the roofer go to the doctor?
He had shingles.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
What do you call someone who raises hens?
A chicken tender.
Why can’t sailors learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
What do you call a magician without any magic?
Ian.
How can you tell when a comedian passes gas?
Something smells funny.
Why are politicians often out of breath?
They’re always running for office!
What’s a dermatologist’s favorite food?
Baked ziti.
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